I am both saddened and elated to have had another guy confirm this afternoon my own experiences with female cowardice. This happened at the grocery store of all places. He noted that I was buying a lot and that I must be the cook in the family. I returned that while I enjoy cooking, this wasn’t all for me. He then, without prompting, lamented about his recent experience with a text breakup, lucky guy. He seemed in his late 20’s/early 30’s.

I’m talking about dating and the apparent immaturity and/or lack of communication skills in a wide age range of women.

Some time recently I had met someone once for brunch and I thought things had gone well and we even made plans for a second outing. Alas, she backed out claiming fatigue from medication. I tried again the next day to communicate. No returned phone call or messages. No problem. People are working and busy and just give it some time. And yes, I’m still this naive. As seems the norm to me in the modern, and older, woman in this case, the method of lack/loss of interest is the silent treatment.  Now I’m presuming this person lost interest. In truth yes, they may have met someone that very evening and was swept off their feet or got scared with a ‘younger’ man or ran away to join the circus, hopefully not because of me, but I find those options unlikely. Not being interested is not my issue. If it was that easy, people might want to date instead of dreading it.

But why this behavior? I just don’t get it and it makes me a little angry. It’s not even a face to face rejection/let down. That’s a real adult and mature situation. In an age of text messaging and online sharing people seem to be less connected and more impersonal. The online dating process by itself is based on pictures and words and written conversation until they choose to take it to the phone or a meeting. What is so challenging about even saying “Thanks but not interested” by an online or phone message? The only thing less impersonal that I can think of is this silent treatment these women are so fond of. Perhaps their experience with this growing up leads them to think it’s an appropriate adult behavior.

I still can’t believe that I’m coming to terms with the idea that where once I would have become angry with a text message response, I would relish some form of communication, even a text message. Do these women lack so much in their lives that a simple very impersonal confrontation is beyond their coping/life skills? I had hoped in the past that it was reserved to a certain age group of women and that I would be fortunate with someone older and more mature to be able to handle open and honest communication. Alas, again, I have been proven wrong. I do not believe most men in general are wells of confidence overflowing thinking they are gods gift upon the earth. We carry fears as well. Is this a general female method or specific to the women I, and the gentleman at the store although he got a text message, have had the unfortunate luck to meet. I can only hope for this to be a specific group.

These experiences have not been without benefit however. They have weeded themselves out. Not only have they saved me time, money and effort, it reinforces my belief that a quality woman is that much rarer and should be treasured. It brings up the notions: One man’s junk is another man’s treasure and Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some men might not want an intelligent and confident woman. This one seemed fine. Attractive, traveled, educated and teaching at the university but taking time for research, not an easy task. During the one meeting she seemed confident in herself. Perhaps misdirection and deception are skills while practiced by magicians might be second nature to women who may have had to learn these behaviors growing up to deal with other women or previous men in their lives.

Mars and Venus continue to be unaligned and I continue to remain baffled.

-SFA

EDIT: Unsaid but true, men are not immune to this issue as well. I am not immune to this issue and something to work on.