I was taking a break at work the other day and decide to catch up on some news. I was either on MSN or CNN. Whichever. So I come across this article talking about these women who join a website to have a man, probably older, help take care of them in exchange for something. This isn’t a vague wink wink type of something. Dinner, lunch, talking on the phone, being arm candy. Of course maybe more happens in a private situation. By the way, these aren’t necessarily single men on this site either. The article was talking about men paying for rent, college tuition, gifts, vacations, jewelry, breast surgery, and I’m sure there are probably other things as well.

It validly brought up that this could be considered prostitution although the men are encouraged to not give money every time or to be careful how they do it. Maybe even how they keep records.

Well this seems like a great idea. No joking. The next thing I had to do was check out the flip side. Where’s my sugar mamma?! I like to travel and have lots of hobbies. Who wouldn’t want to retire right now. I may not have a pool boy body right now but if I was off and had the resources to indulge my whims, she can pay for a personal trainer and really healthy food to get me into shape. That doesn’t seem like a bad trade off so far.

This new set of thinking started a whole new set of tabs in my browser. Of course if there is a market someone will come up with a website. Yes, you too can participate in this with just a little google search. I did keep seeing the terms cougar and cub come up instead of the flip side of sugar daddy and sugar baby. I think I prefer the cub term for myself anyway instead of sugar baby. It already sounds more masculine even if a cub is small. Those cubs are still strong and dangerous.

Think about it. Whatever your profession/stage in life is be it student or employed, you might be able to hook up with someone with the means to help support you in something just for company. Maybe even just have you as a partner for vacations or dinners or events. I’m still having a hard time seeing the negative of being on retainer to do things I might enjoy. However there is a possible undertone of expected sex/sexual favors and depending on how desperate you are, there could even be control issues at play. Both people exert control I think.

Another thought/response. On the male site, there was a statement (paraphrased by me) saying something against the detractors that dealt with the idea that some marriages in a way could be considered legal prostitution since they are in a similar situation. A housespouse, to be gender neutral, with or without kids but without a well paying job even if there is one, maybe in school, being supported by the other spouse. Food, car, gasoline, vacations, gifts, you name it. Depending on the joke of the day one could say you might be getting even less sex in the marriage than from the sugar situation. If you give a gift on valentines with the idea that the better the gift/day is, the higher your chance of getting fucked that night, isn’t that an exchange of money/gift for sex? The definition for prostitution usually includes a stipulation for it being outside of marriage though.

If you say that in the marriage at least it’s for love, we know that’s probably full of crap. The CDC has this table and with note that it isn’t all the data, the divorce rate looks higher than 50% since the divorce data was missing more states. There would also stratifications for first, second or third marriage divorce, plus/minus kids and by age group. Someone else can write about that.

So.

Marriage. Prostitution. Sugar(insert type).

All three of these have their own soapboxes on both sides.

Marriage: Some people believe that marriage is the simple commitment bond between two (or more to some) people. Others would argue that it is the joining of a man and a woman under the eyes of god. Others would call it just a legal thing. Or a social thing acknowledgment.

Prostitution: Happens in every state. Legal in a part of Nevada. Legal in various forms in many parts of the world. You can look at the socioeconomic/trafficking/disease/religious/etc issues.  ‘They’ also say it’s the oldest profession and provides a service. I remember seeing the rooms in Pompeii and being told that they were for prostitutes. They even have the pictures still on the wall. That’s old. I’ve included the two most family friendly pictures I took.

You could find many sides to debate on the pros and cons of legalized prostitution. I believe it’s legal in all or parts of Canada.

I’ll leave this as a soapbox perhaps for another day.

and finally…

Sugar(insert type): Married or unmarried benefactor providing support/goods to someone else for any number of reasons, some more socially acceptable than others. Most of the time I would say that I’m attracted to older women. Before it was always a situation of stability be it in life or emotionally and maturity. Now that I’m older the age range is narrower but the qualities are still important. How would I really tell the difference between two older women if both are richer than me and want to help provide for me? One from a cougar site and one from a more traditional dating site. I don’t think you can make the argument that one type of site vs another is geared toward hook ups vs relationships. I hear the sly comments about some of the more open popular sites as being places for finding someone to sleep with and maybe date. Is this idea of the sugarperson simply just a societal way of pointing out a disparity? People still want ages to be somewhat close together. If you see a 20 year old with a 40 year old, most would assume something is amiss. Now, for yourself, just take a pause for a second to look into yourself. Did you assume/think the 20 year old was male or female? Just pointing it out. Cougar/cub or sugar daddy/baby or just two people for whom the age difference didn’t matter?

We are changing. There’s not a choice. Good and bad can be applied but those are too subjective. Change simply is what it is. I couldn’t even begin to say what it would be to be “Enlightened” as a people. More arts? More technology? Some moral stuff? Less baser things like sex? That may not go over too well. A lot of us might hang around with the less enlightened folks having more fun.

Things to think about.

-Santa’s Fallen Angel