Tag Archives: Religion and Spirituality

fortune

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Today’s topic is inspired as most of my other musings by an interesting event. Ok. Maybe not that interesting to someone else but I was amused. I recently got a fortune cookie without a fortune in it. The first thought that struck me was, “huh? did it eat it somehow?” but I only just cracked the cookie like a wishbone.

Then the mind went (over)active. Was my life was going to come to a sudden end? Do I have no future as no fortune was granted me? Or perhaps my life has been blessed by the gods and is going to be so awesome that a fortune isn’t needed.

Fortune cookies, palm reading, divination, astrology/horoscopes (sometimes horror-scopes from some that I have read), zodiac signs, crystal balls, tea leaves, mojo, etc

Where is this belief system coming from? Is it our continued want for an explanation of the universe? Is there any validity in any or all of this?

Why do some aspects carry more weight than others? Many of us know someone or ourselves that half-jokingly will talk about our astrological sign and kinda mean it. I’m in that same category. You could remove the name of the sign and start reading descriptions and you still might pick your own. For ‘research’ I picked a random astrology site and essentially did a n=1 study. Yeah. Pretty much holds true for me. I’m on a cusp and those two signs blended together speak true to me. I did go through each and every sign. There were some that were outright not me and others that got close but just missed the mark. Something to ponder. My element and the stone or actually the color of the stone were accurate as well.

We do the same thing with the horoscopes based on our signs. I think most people would agree that horoscopes tend to be vague enough that they can apply to just about anyone. Let me try… “You will meet someone soon that will have an impact in your life. You may not notice it in the immediate but this person will help guide you on your path.”

What about your biorhythm? I remember having a program (things called apps now) on my Palm Treo 755P (loved the device!!) that would show my biorhythm. I can’t say that it seemed very accurate but then I didn’t remember to use it often and I’m sure at some point I got rid of it to make room for something else.

Do we create our fortune based on these perceptions? If your fortune, in whatever form, indicates to you that you need to step up and be more aggressive to secure a new position and you actually do, then what? You fulfilled a prophecy of sorts because of what you read and you believed and acted, assuming that not acting you would not have gotten the new position. A deus ex machina vs carpe diem paradox? Thought to ponder.

Can lines be drawn? What I believe is true and what you believe is rubbish? Who could fathom believing in something ‘out there’ that has control over the future? Maybe it doesn’t have control and we are on our own. Maybe the future is predestined and that’s why people can make predictions about things outside of themselves. Maybe it is just two universes rippling and in that moment of contact between the two giving us insight (a real idea).

I can be honest with myself that I have experienced events in my life that I can’t rationalize in a logical manner and that I have learned to accept as a part of my past, present and probably as a part of my future. I don’t know where some of these insights came from about the present (at the time) and the future but they proved real.

We believe what we choose. That knowledge can come from others, books, media, our own experiences and anywhere/anything else that can communicate something to us. It all still seems to boil down to one thing. Faith. No. It doesn’t have to be faith in a god or higher power. It doesn’t even have to be complete faith. But at some point we do choose to believe in things that we may not be able to prove on our own. Is time linear or not? Will the sun come up tomorrow? Do UFOs exist? I choose to believe that the sun will shine on my side of the earth again tomorrow and that it won’t disappear before then. Statistically, there is a chance of other life, sentient or not, out there somewhere. I choose to believe a lot of things because it’s just plain easier than to question everything. Pick and choose the battles of faith as it were.

Maybe I’ll have no future because of that cookie. As Worf would say, “Today is a good day to die.” But I’ll believe for the moment that there was glitch in the processing plant and I just didn’t get a cookie with a fortune stuck in it. Stick a fork in me, I’m done.

-Santa’s Fallen Angel

shock and awe campaign

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this week has been such an incredible roller coaster ride. and i haven’t thrown up once.

the email break up monday and feeling lost in my own mind partially from the sense of betrayal from the lack of communication and the lack of closure.

the long hours at work trying to hold onto the idea of why i got into this.

wondering if happiness with someone else is out there or even matters anymore next to making sure i’m happy in my life.

Then remembering today the biggest and most important lesson i can think of at this time.

i am me.

i am tired of the games in relationships and in other aspects of life that people feel some sick and twisted need to play.

the chasing and all that bullshit. fuck that.

i will not be goaded again into feeling guilty. my soapbox still stands that we choose how to feel. you can not make me feel a certain way. and people have to start taking responsibility for their actions or i will let the consequences happen. if i offer to do something, i do not want but need and expect to be met at least half way. i will not carry the burden by myself. that’s a choice. that’s a reality. what was i thinking letting myself get walked over all this time. will it continue to be a character trait or as i see it now, a character flaw. i’m not talking about letting go of chivalry. just giving a damn about something more.

if the recommendation is to try and lose this nice guy person, congratulations. it’s working. this is not anger or bitterness. this is cold truth. i need to start meaning more to myself. i need to remember to be #1 in my own life and to be honest to myself about my life. why did i stop going to movies and restaurants by myself if there was no one around.

i feel more lost than ever but not emotionally from the breakup. this is straight up spiritual. who am i and what the hell do i want in life. i have been and always will me my harshest critic. it’s hard to feel beat up by someone when you can punish yourself this much. something that has served me well throughout my life. i think that’s why i love and crave feedback. i want to learn and grow. i want to better understand myself. perhaps that’s why i value honesty so much and become so upset and angry when others don’t. there is too much cowardice in people these days.

*yes claire, it’s time to put on the communication pin*

perhaps it’s time to starting attacking life more forcefully. stop being so passive and fight for myself. at home, at work, in relationships and just about any and every other part of life.

this sense of, i think, justice is feeling very cathartic. in my life i try and hold no regrets except for one that i chose to hold onto as a ‘learning moment’ to help guide future actions.  it was a moment of indecision brought on by my fear of what others thought and i potentially missed a pivotal moment in life to obtain something wonderful. my carpe diem moment that has haunted me. i think i just let it go to. after all these years, the act of letting that point in time go and stop using it as an anchor to the past feels freeing to me. i think i can take that next step forward.

the future is ahead. there is no stopping it. but instead of riding it passively like a wave, it’s time to try and forge ahead, pushing the boundaries, making myself uncomfortable at times while i try and discover who i need to become in this phase of my self-growth.

i’m on a campaign to take back control of my life and i ain’t taking no prisoners.

-step aside peter. Santa’s Fallen Angel is storming the gates of christmastown –